Languages of Love

Some of you may know, and some of you may not, what I mean by “love language”. For those who haven’t heard it before it’s pretty easy to figure out by breaking up the phrase and looking at what each word means. Love. Language. Cool. Now everyone is pretty much on the same page.

There is a book written on the five love languages called The Five Love Languages. The five are: quality time, receiving gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, and acts of service. (You can find all of this at 5lovelanguages.com, so go there, check it out, and take the little quiz. I just did it in like 5 minutes.)

These are true. Think about it. When do you feel most appreciated, most loved, least depressed, etc.? Is it spending time with someone? When someone gives you a gift? When someone encourages you through words? When someone shows love or appreciation through physical touch? When someone does something for you?

For me, quality time is my top love language, with words of affirmation second. When I think about times when I know my friends love or appreciate me, it is almost always because they have hung out with me or given me an encouraging note (or some other type of word of encouragement). I know that quality time is my primary love language because when my best friends do not make time to hang out or spend time with me I am hurt and begin to think that we really weren’t that good of friends to begin with. I know that words of affirmation are my second because I cherish the encouraging notes friends give me, or the encouraging words from people; and because I get hurt by some things that people say, or when people are not encouraging me. Which reminds of something I read: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love” Proverbs 27:5.

Now, I know that I have family and friends all over the place. So the ‘quality time’ has to change a little bit. It is not possible for me to spend time with each friend or family member in Virginia, Kentucky, Kansas, North Dakota, Montana, Idaho, and Washington. Especially while I’m in Africa! This is where I say Praise God for technology. Phone calls, text messages, emails, Facebook, and Skype are all ways that I can get my ‘quality time’ with my peeps. Sure, it means going out of our way to sit on the phone, sit at the computer, etc. But it is so worth it.

Think of how you feel most loved. What happens when you aren’t getting that quality time, or that word of encouragement, or that (you fill in the blank)? You start feeling sad. You start being hard on yourself. You think to yourself, “I just want one person to ….”. Now do you see what I’m getting at?

Pick a person or two that you are really close to: boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, best friend, sister, brother, etc. Think of what their love language might be. Now start showing them love in that way, even when it means going out of your way. When you show them love with their love language it will make your relationship better. They will feel loved, and you will love knowing that you made them feel that way! And, I’ll bet that they will go out of their way to speak your love language.

Oooh. But what happens when you score a 2 on physical touch and your person scored a million on physical touch? (I scored a 2, and people are very, very touchy. Especially in Ethiopia.) Let me tell you what you do: you get over it. Chances are, someone is getting over themselves and going out of their way to love you how you receive it best. If the other person knows you are not a physical touch (or whatever else) person and you do go out of your way to do it, they will appreciate it all the more.

My challenge to you is to not only find out what your love language(s) is/are, but to find out the love languages of those you love or care for; and do something about it. Relationships are two way streets. It’s not all about you, and it’s not all about them. Going out of your way to show someone you love/care for/appreciate them is a good thing. It will not always be reciprocated, but that does not matter. Keep doing it. Persevere through those times. “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

I would love to hear stories from you guys! Whether it’s with a person of the same love language, or different.